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What Girls Can’t (and Can) Expect from Guys this Christmas

Posted December 7, 2011 by in DRUNK

By Megan Yentes


Alright ladies, we know that you like to think months in advance and plan every detail, but slow down. The holidays are still weeks away, so before you give yourself a damn brain aneurism, listen to our advice – Whatever you see on ads, in romance novels, or those chick flicks you love to watch, is not what your man is really like around this time of year.

Since most guys don’t think past the next pair of boxers they’re going to wear, let alone what to get you for the holidays, here’s what you can’t (and can) expect:


1. A Ring. If he likes it… he’ll put a ring on it – just don’t expect it. If he doesn’t get down on one knee on Christmas Eve, or surprise your stocking with a Leo diamond, doesn’t mean that he’s never going to commit (despite what Cosmopolitan might say.) Instead of worrying about what might happen, we suggest ignoring the plot of your favorite rom com, grab a box of wine, cuddle up with your guy, and just enjoy your time together for fuck’s sake.



2. A puppy. Living in college is already a nightmare, so do you really think your boyfriend is going to give you a shit machine? Get real ladies! Your man isn’t going to spend $300 on the “cutest” puppy ever. He’ll spend it on an Xbox. Besides, you think he wants a lovechild between the two of you, where you will use the damn thing against him in any and all arguments? Not a chance. He definitely ain’t bout it, bout it.



3. What you want. Guys inherit the “Captain Obvious” gene, where anything you say or blatantly point out, goes right over his head.  Sure you’ve hinted at liking that Victoria’s Secret bra, but he has no idea; even if it does benefit him in the end. Even an open catalog with a big red circle around your hopeful gift won’t ring a bell. He’ll probably just kick it aside, and prop his leg up on the coffee table. If you want it, just fucking say it! A little side note too ladies: If the dude says no… 99% of the time, that’s exactly what he means.)

What Girls Can Expect:
1. Sex
2. A cheesy CD made from your iPod playlist
3. Sex
4. Chocolate
5. Sex


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