Drink of choice: Bud Heavy because it’s American and I fucking hate Communism.
Favorite drinking game: Beer Hockey, of course.
Most memorable night in college: Just got back from Beer Olympics, met this girl at some house party, took her upstairs to some other kid’s room, he walked in and kicked us out to another room… where pipe was then laid.
Never Have I Ever, 5 things – Go! Used toothpaste as anal lube, captured clown porn on film, listened to Nickelback or Creed and enjoyed it, crashed a car, thought Nicholas Cage is a good actor.
Frat Star or GDI: Frat Star of course, only way to go.
One night in Vegas, $1000, what are you doing? To quote the great Alan, “Scour the deserts of Nevada for strippers and cocaine.”
Go-to karaoke song: Piano Man, Billy Joel.
Celeb you most want to party with: Clint Eastwood, because he embodies what it means to be a real man and a real American, Gran Torino was cinematic glory.
Favorite late-night food: McDonald’s, let’s be real.
Best place you’ve hooked-up: The disgusting dirty basement of the frat house. It looks like people shoot heroine there for fun. It’s a good time.
Honestly how often do you buy condoms in college? Once a week. In bulk of course.
How often do you actually use condoms in college? Once a month?
Best “logo” a girl can have: My last name directly over her ass.
Best tailgate you’ve been to: Our Homecoming tailgate. Raged fucking face.
Who’d you rather – Rihanna or LiLo? Lindsay Lohan of course, that bitch is crazy.
Highest bar tab you can remember having: $110 for self.
Biggest college regret: Waking up with the wildebeast next to you because Captain Morgan told you she was hot. Or not destroying Occupy UMass.
Popped collars, legit or shit? Absolute bullshit – fuck that noise! If you wear a popped collar, you make Call Me Maybe videos on YouTube, and wear assless chaps for fun.
Finish this sentence, “I’ll party like a college kid until _____________________.” The campus decides to kick me out, or my liver completely fails.
Are you really ever Sorry for Partying? Absolutely never.
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