Making Coffee with Red Bull
The scientists at Sorry for Partying have taken time out of their schedules and years off of their lives to bring you the following experiment, Making Coffee with Red Bull.
Somewhere in the vast sea of the internet, there exists a photo wherein the caption reads “I put Red Bull in my coffee this morning instead of water and now I can see noises.” and that shit stuck with us. This picture sparked a curiosity so deep that it wouldn’t be sated until this monstrosity became a reality. And so, on the eve of graduation, Red Bull was made into coffee.
Because making Red Bull in a coffee maker sounds like it would ruin said machine, we made this concoction the old school way. With a French press. As coffee snobs will tell you, even after you say you don’t care, French pressing your coffee is the second best way to make it as caffeinated as possible. So, in a move that will forever haunt one writer, the Red Bull was boiled over a high heat until instead of bubbled of carbonation, it was bubbling with heat and righteous fury.
The French press was filled with the usual four scoops of coarsely ground coffee. After pouring the hot Red Bull in, we let it steep for five minutes before plunging and pouring the coffee monstrosity.
Have you ever gone to pour sugar in your coffee and dumped the entire container in? Or made your coffee with Windex and honey? It’s kind of like that.
If you’ve overdosed on caffeine before, you can guess what it’s like. After one cup, the sweats and shakes start. Vision is blurred. After you settle into the ride, though, you can do everything you would need or want to do three times faster. An entire apartment was cleaned in twenty minutes (or so). You feel like a God.
It only took about thirty minutes for the crash to happen. It was like being punched in the face by the Hulk. This is not a good time. This is an incredibly bad time. Not to mention you have to choke down the worst flavored coffee in the world. This is a passable thing to do. Skip. Unless of course, you’re bored.