An elegant way to apologize for everything so wrong yet so right

 
 
 
 
 


BILLY BOY’S “Just the Tip”: You’re Busted Porn Watching, Now Here’s How You Handle It.

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Posted May 24, 2012 by in SEX

It’s not like you left it out for her to see. She asked to borrow your laptop to check her Facebook, so of course you passed her your Macbook. All it took was for her to open up a blank tab and — bam! Your hottie got a preview of what websites you were gawking at. Amidst the Facebook, Sorry for Partying, Tosh.O and ESPN pages, the Spankwire tab made an appearance, front and center in all of its T and A glory.

Didn’t you think to delete your cookies, shitbrick? Always delete your history after enjoying some classy footage from Brazzers. Got it? The fact that you neglected this simple PORN 101 protocol is what got you in this mess in the first place. Delete, delete, delete. Now, back to the clusterfuck at hand.

Don’t panic. Take a moment to collect yourself so you don’t say something stupid. Definitely don’t try to pull the, “I was thinking of you the entire time!” Uttering one of these lame excuses will surely get something thrown at your head. Instead, do the following.

Oh, and remember guys, this could happen to anyone!

 

Be Honest. Yep, I was watching it. Nope, it wasn’t my roommate. Fess up right away. Don’t get defensive, but you don’t need to be apologetic either. When it comes to sex, aside from sleeping with minors and animals, our stance is this: As long as both hot bodies in the relationship are consenting to the party, then it’s game on my friend. You can apply the same reasoning to porn. Now’s the time to see if you and your chick can get on the same page. In order to do that, you need to reassure her, and declare your position on porn.

 

Reassure Her. Tell her that you’ve been super stressed, and just needed some solo relief. After all, it’s not like you were watching it when she was available. Once she knows that porn isn’t a substitute, and you’d much rather have some real flesh on flesh action, she should be cool. She needs to understand that you desire her. If your lady is totally freaked out about it, it’s a good time to ask her if she ever goes solo. What does she do to get in the mood? Is looking at porn different from reading the steamy novel, “50 Shades of Grey?” That’s for the both of you to work out.

 

Take Your ‘Porn-Stance.’ This is where the two of you establish some ground rules. Figure out what she’s comfortable with. A lot of chicks take an anti-porn status because they think it’s all about demeaning women. Let her know you’re not a freak who’s into weird shit. Whatever happens dude, you both need to come to some agreement. You need to make good on your end, so be careful about swearing off porn all together. ‘Cause let’s face it, you’re not giving it up, just getting it up!

 

Now if you excuse us, we’ve got some ‘research’ to do. Party on.


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