An elegant way to apologize for everything so wrong yet so right


5 Reasons To Bone A Bigger Chick

Posted December 5, 2012 by in SEX

It’s not always a guy’s proudest moment, but bigger girls can teach you a think or two about sex, so give them a chance and see why you should give yourself a little more cushion for the pushin’ sometime.


1. To Bust a Slump. It happens sometimes, it’s okay. When you hit that cold streak and your swag is running on Empty, it can be dangerous. We’ve all been there.

But call us Helen Keller, because we’ve have found a solution for all of your problems. All you have to do is put one of those frozen pizzas in the oven and text that big girl in your phone. She might have a slice (or seven), and you’ll definitely have some sex once she’s done.


2. Big Girls Do More Stuff. If you give her the opportunity, she won’t let you down. She doesn’t know when the next time she’s ever going to get some like this, so she’s definitely going to try to do everything she can to make you happen.

So don’t be scared to unleash your inner freak and do the weird stuff you see on the internet.


3. For the Story. Personally, whenever we have a tough life decision, we think to ourselves, “What would make a better story?” And if that decision for you is stay home and play some “Call of Duty” or ring a big girl to have a marshmallow orgy, we hope you make the right choice.


4. You Call… They Come. Like we said earlier, she doesn’t know when she will ever get that late night call again, so if you call her at 3:30 AM, she’s in the car by 3:31. There’s no game or sweet lines you need to pull off, just a casual encounter with an un-casual amount of cookie dough.


5. Fat Girls Need Love Too. It’s a cliché line, but it’s true. If you do it enough, hell, you can probably just write it off as community service. Dear society, you’re welcome.


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    Wow, you’re an asshole. Big girls don’t need pity f**ks from douches like you… we get plenty of action on our own merits. I only spend a night alone if it’s my choice. Lots of guys *like* chicks who don’t look like 14 year old boys with boob jobs and lobotomies.

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