An elegant way to apologize for everything so wrong yet so right


3 Euro Cities Worth Being Ugly Americans In

Posted July 4, 2012 by in DRUNK

Touch sky if you haven’t been to Europe. Now those with hands-raised, jump on your computer and start planning, because you’ll experience something you’ll never want to come back from. How do we know? We’ve lived it, multiple times. And for that, we’re certifying ourselves to give our opinion.

Ibiza gets a ton of cred for being “like Vegas on even more shit”, but the partying isn’t what it’s hyped up to be. We’re giving you the Euro hot spots that make your Spring Break to Daytona, look like a trip to Grandma’s house. So turn off the Anthony Bourdain, jump on, and start paying double for that drink in your hand!



3. Amsterdam

Overview: As if this one isn’t already obvious, partying in ‘sterdam is the equivalent of basically getting away with murder in the States. Between the #stutes, weed, and beer that flows through the city, there’s enough going on that the trouble you’ll get into isn’t nearly as bad as you probably think.

What to Do: Hit the Red Light the second you arrive from train. If you’re awkward, and hate sex, then just stroll up and down for the different bars and “coffee shops” that it’s got going on. In-between partying, we recommend visiting the Anne Frank House, a canal tour, or checking out the Heineken factory.

But don’t fool yourself, if you’re the type of person who makes it a point to visit this city, you’ll end up bagging a total stranger while jumping naked in one of the numerous canals (which both happened).



2. London

Overview: God save the Queen? More like, God save my liver! For some fucking reason, London gets grouped into the classical cities that are only good to visit if you want history, fish and chips, and proper manners. If by history you mean writing (and not remembering) your own, fish and chips late night, and proper manners as not wearing a hat into a bar, than you got it! With everything it’s got to offer, London’s pretty much the shit.

What to Do: If you’ve been to NYC, you’ll notice similarities. Mind the gap on the Underground, and hit all the spots. Big Ben, the London Eye, catch a soccer match, and walk through Hyde Park. When you’re done pregaming while doing all that, post-up at one of the thousands of pubs, clubs, and start realizing how everyone around you is a 10, with money to blow, making it impossible not to end up blacking-out.



1. Barcelona

Overview:  It’s pretty much “La Verdad!” (Otherwise known as “the truth” for all you Ugly Americans). You’ve got the beach, history (if you’re into that shit), beautiful people, and a song that pretty much sums up exactly what you’ll think when you visit. What the fuck indeed! With the bars closing at 2, and the clubs opening at 2:30 and pumping it til 6am, we’re assuming you’ll be like us and pretty much waste your entire day recovering beachside. Not too shabby.

What to Do: Get yourself as close to Las Ramblas as possible, so you’re central to everything. The possibilities are endless for sight-seeing and bar-hopping. Make sure to hit the W hotel on the beach to play boujis for one night, and stay around Olympic Park to get yourself in major partying trouble. If you don’t act lame, you’ll be chatting-it-up with the natives in no time… better work on that Spanish!


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